Divorce Marriage Spouse
What is divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage defines as the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. It can also be defined as an ending of a marriage by an official decision in a court of law. Nowadays, divorce no longer considered as a big deal compared to last generation especially in Western Europe. They never take it seriously though there are kids with them. In short term, they can get married easily just a little bit of romance and got divorced just a little bit of bore ness.
My recent research found that in many developed countries, divorce rates increased surprisingly during the twentieth century. Among the states in which divorce has become commonplace are the United States, Canada, South Korea, and members of the European Union, with the exception of Malta. All these actually indirectly influence by their modern culture and wide open minded socialism. For example, a city, world known as Las Vegas, there are a lot of places for anyone to get married on the spot.
Well, different world different culture.
For Chinese, this means you are ruining your family honor. In addition, the single-parent family has resulted in many women deciding to have children outside marriage. However, there is a developed and wealthy country call Japan retains a markedly lower divorce rate, though it has increased in recent years. In some jurisdictions and countries, a divorce must be certified by a court of law and a legal action is needed to dissolve the prior legal act of marriage. The terms of the divorce are also determined by the court, though they simply ratify terms that the spouses have agreed on privately.
In some other countries, like Portugal, when the spouses agree to divorce, it can be certified by a non judiciary administrative entity. For extra information, in Islam, known as the biggest religion in my country, divorce is allowed, though discouraged. A commonly mentioned Islamic ruling is that divorce is the least liked of all permissible acts. Islam considers marriage to be a legal contract.
After three divorces, the man and the women are not allowed to remarry, the man or the woman have to marry another person to test the causes. If the couple agrees that they were happier with their old spouses they are allowed to remarry. That’s all for my information of divorce. In this essay, I will discuss the causes and effect of divorce and divorce advice and briefly touch the issue of why divorce is getting so common in this modern century.
Causes of divorce
For a lot of outsiders who don’t know there is a lot of reason that causes this unhappy situation. Refer to a 2006 survey by DivorceMagazine.com that asked readers what had caused their separation or divorce, I found out that infidelity or extramarital affair is the strongest factor. Other than that, it can be also include family strains, emotional or physical abuse, mid-life crisis, addictions, e.g. alcoholism and gambling, work holism.
Well, it can say 8 families out of 10 that having a divorce are almost because of their spouse having an affair. In my deeply book research, I found that 40 % of Shanghai’s divorced men and women say their ex-spouses’ extramarital affairs caused the breakup of their marriages. So why that is so commonly happen to our society now? Actually, most people don’t intend to have an affair and most people don’t think it will happen to them but it does anyway. The answers they come up with are usually based on personal blame.
They blame themselves, their partner, their relationship, or the third party. They see it strictly as a personal problem, a personal failure of the people involved. In my point of view, this is a very simple explanation for a very complex question. Participants present affairs as arising by chance and based upon love and mutual adoration. The relationship advances from flirtation to infatuation. This can happen quickly or over considerable time. Eventually there is an expectation that the affair advance to sexual behavior. The participants then claim each other as true love partners who understand each other better than their own spouses. It sounds so romantic and so beyond their control.
The relationship normally comes in secrecy. For further information, affairs are secretive by nature and represent a betrayal of fidelity. Hence they contribute to marital turmoil and demise. Because of these factors, affairs also diminish personal integrity. It is hard to feel good about oneself entirely in this situation. If one does feel good about oneself, it may be through a psychological process of disassociation or splitting.
In addiction, Forces within the individual that pull them toward affairs normally are attraction: sex which it become a “culture” for Western Country for instance Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. This couple is always being flatter by fans or people around but who know it end up with divorce because of having extramarital affair with Angelina Jolie. Well, that’s their ‘culture’ of Hollywood star. However they still can handle it easily and steadily. That’s what I so curious about.
Causes of divorce
The next issue I like to touch is financial problem in a family is also one of the serious factor that cause divorce. In this point, I can hardly understand the situation because of the reality had happened several of time passing me through. Money is such a powerful thing that enables people to buy many things, unfortunately, it can’t buy happiness, love or a lasting relationship.
However, surprisingly, money turns out to be 1 of the leading cause of today’s divorces. 57 percent of divorced couples in the United States cited financial problems as the primary reason for the demise of their marriage, according to my survey conducted by Citibank. Actually People aren’t discussing finances. For all of us, money is such a taboo subject. People associate bad things with money. In my personal advice, if you’re in a serious relationship, just talk about this with courage. If you don’t, it will cause a huge gap between you and your spouse.
In addiction, the unequal division of money causes problems because control isn’t equal which means one person will have control and more money than the other. When there is a gap between both of their salary, so there will be different kind of spending and from there the problem of unsatisfied is about to occur. Further more, in a case like that, if a guy is having a salary less than his wife he will definitely feel useless or starting to look down at himself. Divorce is usually come from a small problem like that which we don’t take it seriously.
Also it, if one person is mismanaging funds, the strain comes when it doesn’t benefit the other party. It puts a strain on who will be the person to handle the finances. Other than that, problems also occur within a marriage when a spouse ego gets in the way. I found that in today’s society women are not only contributing to the family, but, in many cases, are the breadwinners, which don’t sit well with all men.
lf a man isn’t completely comfortable with his wife being the breadwinner, that could cause him to feel less secure than if he were the breadwinner. It could put a strain on both in the marriage and that’s what happened to my uncle and his wife as a breadwinner in the family, that always hardly wanted to control every single thing of my uncle so much especially his financial. So for me, it’s still quite a complicated thing to be solved.
Effect of divorce
The change in children
Most often people decide to get a divorce before they really think about the effects of divorce. They usually decide to get a divorce based on emotion rather than logic which can hinder their long term happiness. Still, there are those that make their decision about getting a divorce by taking into account the effects that divorce can have on everyone involved. Some effects of divorce can be positive depending on your situation even though divorce is usually seen in a negative light.
The effects of divorce are too much to list here so let’s concentrate on effects of divorce that seem most apparent. For a very widely common sense, an effect of divorce that some people need to consider is the change that children will need to go through if a divorce occurs. So much research has gone into the effects of divorce on children. Some have tried to say that if you do it right, divorce will not affect the kids. I think that is a load of self serving crap. Divorce will effect the kids, and effect them in ways that are painful. Children can be strong during this time, but it is up to the parents to make sure the transition is as painless as possible.
Some people actually stay in unhappy marriages solely and stressful because of the fact that there are children involved. The change children go through as an effect of divorce is complex that we would never understand unless we felt the same situation before. For instance, they will worry that their parents don’t love them anymore and they feel abandoned. They feel like the parent who left has divorced them too. Different kind of negative thinking will directly appear in their mind. In other hand, they feel powerless and helpless because they can’t get their parents back together which they felt the happiness when they be with their parent.
Or what I can describe with, they can’t speed up or slow down the process. They will get lost and totally screw up when firstly involve in this kind of dilemma. In more serious case that rarely be seen, they experience a grieving process very similar to mourning a death. When there is over depress on them, something scary is going to happen. Such as, some of them will go insane cause of cant stand the sadly incident.
For some, even worse, might suicide. Every single those sadly feeling may get them into bad behaviors such as include problems in school, nervous habits, repetitive physical behaviors, and regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting, fears, and use of comfort items. Children may become clingy and whiny and they may need greater understanding of their moods and behavior. With that, they will have a greater need to be nurtured.
So there is no way we all can blame them if they started to think they have to “take care” of their parents. Giving up one’s childhood to care for emotionally troubled parents is a widespread characteristic. Sending them to old folk home when parent’s age getting older is the final action for them normally. As a parent there is the saddest thing that happens to us. Isn’t it?
http://www.womenbrands.com/divorce/after-the-divorce.htm By Jeff Herring
Causes of divorce
Here, I like to give 1 more factor that causes divorce which is quite sensitive topic, sex. Sex is very important in any marriage, in any country at any time. There is no denial that marriage without sex is meaningless. Some people might think that sexless marriage always hints a divorce which is quite similar with my opinion. People are working longer hours and harder than ever before which I called them workaholic.
This does not limit to men only, more and more women have full time employment, even after marriages in this era. When both husband and wife work in long hours, the work stress and work schedule make them hard to have meaningful and loving sex. Work schedule for both husband and wife are often not parallel, both do not have the same deadline or the same workload.
When there is lack of contact or always spending time alone, sexual frustration will indirectly build up. In my deeply research, I found that when sexual needs are not met, either one will feel frustrated. Another common scenario is when the husband works and the wife stays at home though this situation is getting decrease all over the world. The wife gets frustrated with husband who stays out late after office hour and easily suspects something which is not true. Staying at home all the time is boring and frustrating. They will feel lonely and victimized.
However, lack of understanding from both sides and no action taken will worsen the case. Another reason is boredom, because of spending too much time on work and with the kids, there is no way sex will be fun if accomplished in such a short time span. After a few routines, it became a task. Slowly, they will become lazy and both no longer make efforts. However, sexless marriage doesn’t always end in a divorce. It could be just a phase. Everything can be improved and settle down. There are some ways to solve this problem which like try to talk things through with your spouse.
You can try to have fun in bed cuddling. Lovers have to always remind each other how much you love each other. I strongly suggest that take a holiday and go for a trip because I found that many couples renew their love and feelings for each other after a trip away. Whatever it takes, there are hundreds of ways to improve your marriages and it only take a few minutes in a day if you really take the effort.
Effect of divorce
The change in parent and impact on emotionally and economically
As the research shown, also, divorce affects the couple economically, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Because of the political and policy implications of the economic situation associated with divorce, much attention has focused on its economic impact. There is no doubt that after the divorce you may find you have mixed emotions about your ex – spouse. While you may know that the divorce was for the best, you may find that some days you hate your ex – spouse, and, surprisingly, there will be a day that you are going to miss him or her.
You may wonder why you feel any fondness for someone you are divorcing. It is perfectly normal, and most divorced people report these mixed emotions as shown in internet. When a couple divorces, the bad times they shared may be a recent memory, but there are times when each person feels vulnerable, lonely, or scared of the changes taking places. Actually all of us realize that every divorce brings about a lot of changes and change is not always easy. We are all human being. There is no way that we will stay calm if there is a huge sudden change on us.
However, there are times we are tempted to look back, because it is easier than facing the fact that you now have to rebuild your life. For female mostly, they normally can’t handle their emotion easily that might cause some minor problem like facing fear and nervous all the time or start to be sensitive to marriage. In the other hand, for those housewives that just rely on their husband income, they will face the economic impact seriously. They will hardly find a good job if they got no firm education foundation or financial background.
Finally, they end up with working stuff like being a waitress in restaurant or pub with low pay. With this case, I found that they starting to get ‘closer’ to customer to get more money to cover their daily expenses. For some, will rather become prostitute to earn more because it is easier for them. Different background family normally ends up with different of mind thinking. They actually should always be strong whether in own self or in religion to avoid we step in wrong position. However that’s what reality always shown in this cruel society. So, for me, we should always appreciate of what we have now and don’t always envy at other people. Otherwise, we will suffer for the rest of our life.
http://family.jrank.org/pages/413/Divorce.html Arditti, J. A., and Keith, T. Z.
In conclusion, having a divorce is the saddest thing in everyone meaningful and loving marriage so we must try the best we can to avoid this unhappy incident happen on us. Divorce usually becomes a situation when two people who were once very close, perhaps even soul mates, have become separated. Perhaps not separated physically, but separated in terms of being mentally on the same page with the same goals and the same objectives.
Overall, the root cause is almost always communications, or rather, a lack of communication between the two of you. You have to make an effort to save some of your energy to communicate with your spouse after a long hard day at work. It may actually help you to unwind. However, for those who are already get divorced, please don’t give up. What you should actually do is when divorce occurs, and you feel your life has been shattered, the first thing you should do is start leading the life of a single person immediately according to an expert.
You should force yourself to make a date at least once a week or start noticing other people, join in the activities of the singles crowd, and get back into the swing of things. Regardless of the pain, the bitterness, or exasperation, it’s essential that you remember your children and continue to be a good parent. In fact, you should do all within your means to be a better parent than you may have been before the separation. Just remember, time and people will cure all your ills, and you will be happy again
Reference Bridgeman, W. N., & Alvon, K. C. (1991)
Marriage and divorce. Family Studies, 16, 133-150. Lowen, B. G., & Mill, A. (1998)
Separation and divorce in contemporary society. Marriage Studies, 5, 145-152. Carry, L. (1989).
By Jeff Herring
By Joseph Guttmann
By Charlotte Kamman
by Peggy Vaughan
By Sara Eleoff
- (1991-05-21) “Advance Report of Final Divorce Statistics, 1988” (PDF). Monthly Vital Statistic Report 39 (12 (supplement 2)).
- ^ Divorce Magazine Poll Results. DivorceMagazine.com. Retrieved on 2007-09-28.
- ^ Extra-marital affairs remain biggest cause for divorce as major increases in family strains and emotional/physical abuse also cause more splits – new survey. Grant Thornton. Retrieved on 2006-09-10.
Submitted by: Jonathan Brown
By Jeff Herring